I had a dream ...

The exact location, I am unsure of ...  the time of day, I have no idea ... the activity that was taking place, I do not recall ... BUT the one thing I do remember ... the thing I am sure of ... the absolute only thing I do recall .... is that she called  me "momma".  Yes! I had a dream! There she was! And she called me by name!  Momma!  I have not come to the point in the adoption process where a referral has been sent, but God gave me hope that night.  God gave me a hope that provided yet another affirmation that He does in fact have a precious baby girl out there somewhere who He is watching over and caring for. A baby girl who will one day be my own.
My emotions have been on overload these days.  The information I have been researching makes it all the more real and the tears continue to flow as I think about the day when I will get the opportunity to put all of this to practice .... for real!  I have been reading books on how to build bonds of affection and trust with your adopted child - how to deal with learning and behavioral disorders - strategies to use on how to discipline your child with love. 
The emotions I have been feeling are kind of hard to put into words as I don't even have a picture to go with the "thought" of my soon to be baby girl.  All I can say is that I long for the day I get to hold her in my arms.  God has broke my heart for her and to think that it could be more than a year before I actually get to see her for the first time, simply tears me apart.  I long for the day that she will look me in the eye and call me "momma".  I am going to be her momma! 
Once again, I have to remember the hope that God has given me.  I know that He is providing her every need.  I know that she is in His hands and there are no better hands to be in!  I know that His plan for me to be able to love on her as my own, will come in His perfect timing under His perfect plan.  Unfortunately, the hard part is getting what I "know" in my head to travel down to my heart and trust Him completely.  Now you would think that would not be such a hard task as it is only approximately 18 inches from your brain to your heart, but for me it seems to be! God continues to work on me and refine me into the woman He wants me to be and although it pretty much stinks at times, I would not want it any other way!  None of this would be happening if God had just left me the way that I was ... He broke me and is in the process of molding me in order to prepare me to be the "momma" He would have me to be!  Thank you, Jesus!
Praise God! Praise God for life in Him!  Praise God for Jesus and the cross!  Praise God for the hope that we can have in Him! And with that hope, praise God for life eternal!
I am asking for continued prayers for Jan as she completes my home study report - pray for Jim, the program director at IAG and Leigh Ann, my coordinator from IAG as they read over Jan's home study report and make any appropriate changes before it gets sent off to be cleared by the USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) - pray for that sweet baby girl of mine!
I continue to thank God for each and every one of you!  For your continued support through prayer, encouraging words, fundraising projects, financially, etc.  My God provides and I will forever praise His holy name!

"Since we are receiving a Kingdom that is unshakable, let us be thankful and please God by worshiping Him with holy fear and awe.”  Hebrews 12:28

Love-

amy